Marriage is not a fixed or linear journey but a constantly evolving relationship shaped by life transitions, personal growth, and external circumstances. Dr. Rita DeMaria’s 7 Stages of Marriage framework provides couples with a roadmap to navigate the natural evolution of their relationship. Each stage presents unique challenges and opportunities, requiring adaptability, mutual understanding, and conscious effort to sustain a thriving and fulfilling partnership. Unlike traditional models that assume marriage progresses in a straight line, DeMaria's approach acknowledges that couples may cycle through different stages multiple times, depending on life events and personal development.

1. Passion Stage (Romantic Love)

This stage is characterized by intense emotional and physical attraction, often referred to as the honeymoon phase. Couples idealize each other, enjoy deep intimacy, and focus on their shared dreams. The excitement and novelty of new love drive their connection. However, this stage is temporary and must transition into a deeper, more sustainable love.

• What Couples Should Do: Build a foundation of trust and communication beyond physical attraction, engage in meaningful conversations about values and long-term goals, and establish emotional intimacy.
• What to Avoid: Ignoring red flags, avoiding serious discussions for fear of disrupting the romance, and becoming overly dependent on infatuation.

2. Realization Stage (Power Struggles Begin)

As the honeymoon phase fades, reality sets in, and differences in communication styles, values, and habits become more apparent. Power struggles may emerge as partners attempt to assert their independence while maintaining their bond. This stage can be challenging but necessary for a marriage to develop authenticity and resilience.

• What Couples Should Do: Practice active listening, compromise, establish clear boundaries, and openly discuss responsibilities, financial expectations, and emotional needs.
• What to Avoid: Avoiding conflict instead of addressing differences, focusing on winning arguments rather than understanding each other, and allowing resentment to build.

3. Rebellion Stage (Identity Crisis & Conflict)

This stage often occurs 5-10 years into marriage and is marked by individual self-discovery and questioning. Partners may feel trapped in routines or dissatisfied with their identity within the marriage, leading to frustration or emotional withdrawal. Life transitions such as career changes, raising children, or financial stress can further complicate this phase.

• What Couples Should Do: Encourage personal growth while maintaining connection, reignite romance through intentional date nights and shared activities, and seek professional guidance if conflicts escalate.
• What to Avoid: Suppressing individual desires out of fear of upsetting the spouse, assuming passion will return on its own, or seeking emotional fulfillment outside the marriage.

4. Cooperation Stage (Working as a Team)

In this phase, couples shift their focus toward practical responsibilities, including financial stability, raising children, and maintaining a household. Marriage becomes structured and goal-oriented, resembling a business partnership where teamwork is essential for success. While stability is reassuring, emotional and romantic connections may take a backseat.

• What Couples Should Do: Develop a solid communication system, establish shared financial and parenting goals, and actively work to maintain emotional and physical intimacy despite responsibilities.
• What to Avoid: Treating the marriage as purely transactional, neglecting intimacy, and assuming stability means effort is no longer required.

5. Reunion Stage (Rediscovering Each Other)

Often occurring after children leave the home or major life shifts (retirement, career changes), this stage requires couples to redefine their relationship outside of external responsibilities. With fewer distractions, they have the opportunity to rekindle their romantic and emotional connection.

• What Couples Should Do: Explore new shared interests, engage in meaningful conversations about personal and marital growth, and embrace deeper emotional and spiritual intimacy.
• What to Avoid: Falling into loneliness or boredom, struggling with the transition to an empty nest, and failing to recognize the importance of reconnecting as a couple.

6. Explosion Stage (Major Life Transitions)

This stage is triggered by life-altering events such as health issues, financial crises, the loss of loved ones, or other major changes. These challenges test the strength of a marriage, requiring resilience and mutual support.

• What Couples Should Do: Lean on faith, community, and counseling for support, openly communicate about emotional and financial concerns, and navigate challenges as a team.
• What to Avoid: Isolating oneself emotionally, blaming each other for difficulties, and neglecting the emotional connection that has sustained the marriage.

7. Completion Stage (Mature Love & Reflection)

In this final stage, couples enter a deep, enduring companionship built on shared history, mutual respect, and appreciation. They reflect on their journey, celebrate their legacy, and focus on enjoying the fruits of a life well-lived together.

• What Couples Should Do: Practice gratitude, spend quality time nurturing family bonds, travel, and continue personal growth.
• What to Avoid: Taking each other for granted, resisting inevitable life changes, and avoiding discussions about legacy, estate planning, and end-of-life wishes.

Key Takeaways from the 7 Stages of Marriage

1. Marriage is a Lifelong Evolution: Relationships are not static—couples must adapt to changes and challenges at every stage.
2. Love is an Active Choice: Passion fades, but intentional acts of love, communication, and commitment sustain long-term relationships.
3. Challenges Are Inevitable, Growth is Optional: Power struggles, identity crises, and conflicts occur in all marriages, but they should be seen as opportunities for growth rather than signs of failure.
4. Emotional and Physical Intimacy Require Effort: Just as partners prioritize finances and parenting, they must also invest in emotional and romantic connections.
5. External Support is Crucial: Marriage mentors, counselors, and faith-based communities can provide guidance and support through difficult stages.
6. Adaptability and Teamwork Strengthen Marriage: Being open to change and working together through life’s transitions fosters resilience.

Reading Resources (Books, Journals, and Articles) in APA Format

Books

• DeMaria, R., & Hannah, S. (2008). The 7 stages of marriage: Laughter, intimacy, and passion today, tomorrow, forever. The Experiment.
• Chapman, G. (1992). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.

Journals

• Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). "Marriage in the new millennium: A decade in review." Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 630-649. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00722.x
• Huston, T. L., Niehuis, S., & Smith, S. E. (2001). "The early marital roots of conjugal distress and divorce." Current Directions in Psychological Science, 10(4), 116-119. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.00129

Articles

• Doherty, W. J. (2012). "How marriage changes over time: Understanding the natural stages of married life." Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog
• Markman, H. J., & Stanley, S. M. (2001). "Marriage and relationship education: Emerging trends and challenges." Family Relations, 50(4), 315-320. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2001.00315.x

Dr. Rita DeMaria’s 7 Stages of Marriage provides a valuable roadmap for couples to understand, adapt, and grow through the natural progression of marriage. By recognizing and proactively navigating each stage, couples can build a stronger, more fulfilling, and enduring relationship that withstands the test of time.