Introduction

Practical exercises provide couples with actionable steps to implement the principles of prioritizing their spouse while maintaining positive relationships with extended family. These exercises are designed to help couples develop better communication, set clear boundaries, strengthen their marital bond, and navigate family dynamics in a way that promotes respect and harmony.

Exercise 1: Spousal Check-In Routine

Objective: Strengthen emotional intimacy by consistently prioritizing your spouse’s thoughts, feelings, and needs.
Instructions:

1. Set aside 10–15 minutes daily to check in with your spouse.

• Ask open-ended questions such as:
  • • “How was your day today?”
    • “What was the best part of your day?”
  • “Is there anything you need from me this week?”

1. Listen actively without interrupting. Acknowledge their feelings and offer support.
2. Use this time to discuss any family-related plans or issues before involving parents or extended family.

Application Tip: Schedule these check-ins during a quiet, uninterrupted moment, such as over dinner or before bed.

Exercise 2: Family Boundary Agreement

Objective: Create a unified plan for managing family involvement in your marriage.
Instructions:

1. Sit together and discuss key boundary areas, such as:

• • Visits: How often will you visit or host parents?
  • Financial Support: What level of support (if any) will be offered to parents?
  • Privacy: What marital issues will remain private, and what can be shared with family?
  • Advice: How will you handle unsolicited advice from parents?

1. Write down your agreements to ensure clarity.

• • Example: “We will visit both sets of parents once a month and alternate hosting during major holidays.”

1. Communicate these boundaries respectfully to your families as a couple.

Application Tip: Revisit and adjust these boundaries periodically as circumstances change.

Exercise 3: Shared Vision Workshop

Objective: Align on the role of family and extended family in your marriage while strengthening your bond as a couple.
Instructions:

1. On a blank sheet of paper, write down:

• • “What does a healthy relationship with extended family look like to us?”
  • “How can we ensure our marriage remains our priority while honoring our roots?”

1. Each partner writes their responses independently.
2. Share your answers and discuss areas where you align or differ.
3. Create a shared vision for your family relationships based on your discussion.

Application Tip: Frame your vision as a positive statement. For example: “We aim to maintain a respectful and balanced relationship with both families while prioritizing open communication and unity in our marriage.”

Exercise 4: Quality Time Challenge

Objective: Strengthen your marital bond through intentional quality time.
Instructions:

1. Plan one uninterrupted activity to do together each week, such as:

• • A date night.
  • A shared hobby or project (e.g., cooking, hiking, or gardening).
  • A weekend getaway or staycation.

1. During this time, avoid discussing family-related stressors or external pressures. Focus on each other.
2. Reflect on how these moments improve your connection and communication.

Application Tip: If time is limited, schedule shorter moments of connection, such as a 30-minute coffee date or an evening walk together.

Exercise 5: Role-Playing Family Scenarios

Objective: Prepare for potential conflicts with extended family by practicing responses as a couple.
Instructions:

1. Identify common scenarios where family involvement might create tension. For example:

• • A parent shows up unannounced.
  • A family member offers unsolicited parenting advice.
  • Parents expect financial support that exceeds your budget.

1. Role-play how you will respond as a team. For example:

• • Partner A (parent): “We think you should enroll your child in private school.”
  • Partner B (couple): “Thank you for your input. We’ve already discussed and made a decision that works best for us.”

1. Practice using calm and respectful language to communicate boundaries.

Application Tip: Use “we” language to present a united front, such as: “We’ve decided this is the best approach for our family.”

Exercise 6: Family Meeting Preparation

Objective: Approach family interactions with clarity and alignment as a couple.
Instructions:

1. Before visiting or hosting family, discuss the following as a couple:

• • What topics are off-limits for discussion (e.g., finances, marital conflicts)?
  • How will you handle any boundary violations (e.g., unannounced visits)?
  • What roles will each partner play during the interaction (e.g., who will initiate sensitive conversations)?

1. After the interaction, debrief privately with your spouse to reflect on what went well and what could be improved.

Application Tip: Use the debrief to reinforce your alignment as a team and plan for future interactions.

Exercise 7: Family Gratitude Ritual

Objective: Honor your family roots by expressing gratitude and appreciation.
Instructions:

1. Create a habit of showing appreciation to your parents and extended family in ways that align with your boundaries.

• • Send a thank-you note or message after family visits.
  • Acknowledge their contributions to your life during conversations.
  • Include them in meaningful milestones, such as birthdays or anniversaries, in a way that feels balanced.

1. Discuss with your spouse how these gestures can strengthen family relationships without compromising marital priorities.

Application Tip: Keep expressions of gratitude sincere but aligned with your shared boundaries.

Exercise 8: New Family Traditions

Objective: Build a unique identity for your marriage and family unit.
Instructions:

1. Brainstorm together new traditions or rituals you’d like to create as a couple. Examples include:

• • Weekly family dinners.
  • Celebrating a specific holiday in a way unique to your marriage (e.g., a “just us” tradition).
  • A monthly family outing or activity.

1. Begin incorporating these traditions consistently into your routine.

Application Tip: Use these traditions to strengthen your bond as a couple and create a sense of identity for your family.

Exercise 9: Social Media Detox

Objective: Limit external validation and focus on your unique marriage story.
Instructions:

1. Commit to a specific period (e.g., a weekend or week) where both partners avoid social media entirely.
2. Use the time to reconnect with each other through activities, conversations, or shared hobbies.
3. Reflect on how the detox impacts your sense of connection and reduces feelings of comparison or external pressure.

Application Tip: After the detox, discuss how you can maintain a healthier relationship with social media moving forward.

Exercise 10: Marriage Mission Statement

Objective: Define your shared vision and priorities as a couple.
Instructions:

1. Sit together and brainstorm answers to the following questions:

• • What are our top three priorities as a couple?
  • How do we define success in our marriage?
  • What values do we want to guide our decisions and interactions with family?

1. Write a short mission statement based on your discussion.

• • Example: “We are committed to building a marriage based on trust, respect, and love while honoring our family roots with boundaries that protect our relationship.”

1. Display this mission statement in a place where you can both see it regularly.

Application Tip: Revisit your mission statement annually to ensure it reflects your evolving goals and values.

Conclusion

These practical exercises are designed to help couples apply the principles of prioritizing their spouse while maintaining meaningful family ties. By consistently practicing emotional connection, clear communication, and intentional relationship-building, couples can create a marriage that is both strong and harmonious, fostering respect and love across all relationships.