Overview

Resolving conflict in marriage is not a single event—it is a layered process that unfolds in stages. Many couples are either stuck in endless arguments or trapped in silent resentment, not because they don’t love each other, but because they lack a structured approach to addressing issues. This chapter introduces a three-stage model of conflict management—Talking About It, Fighting Fair, and Minimizing Future Conflicts—that helps couples de-escalate tension, resolve core issues, and create lasting peace.

In the first stage, Talking About It, couples are taught to speak with honesty, calmness, and objectivity, focusing on the issue rather than attacking each other. This lays the emotional groundwork for real listening and understanding. The second stage, Fighting Fair, introduces rules of engagement—how to disagree without damaging the relationship. This includes the use of “I” statements, emotional regulation, and respecting each other’s voice in the process. The final stage, Minimizing Future Conflicts, equips couples to build habits and structures that reduce the likelihood of repeated issues, including learning each other’s love languages, setting boundaries, and practicing gratitude.

Conflict resolution is not about who wins—it is about how both partners can win together. This chapter offers a practical, compassionate blueprint for navigating conflict in a way that protects the relationship, promotes emotional growth, and preserves connection.

Objectives

By the end of this chapter, learners will be able to:

1. Describe the three key stages of conflict resolution and explain their unique goals and characteristics.
2. Practice strategies to approach conflict calmly, truthfully, and respectfully in the Talking About It stage.
3. Apply principles of fair disagreement—such as avoiding character attacks and using “I” statements—during the Fighting Fair stage.
4. Identify and implement routines that support emotional safety and reduce recurring conflict in the Minimizing Future Conflicts stage.
5. Create a personalized conflict management plan that incorporates all three stages, tailored to their partner’s personality and relationship dynamics.
   
   
   

These learning outcomes provide the framework for all discussions, reflections, and exercises in this chapter.